Healing + Exploring New Trails
Our healing journey can feel difficult or discouraging when we are growing in new ways of relating to ourselves and it seems like we fall back into old ways of relating to ourselves. It can be easy to get critical or feel like therapy/healing is just not for us or somehow we are failing at it. When I feel like I am getting stuck or when my clients are getting stuck, I like to think of the new ways and old ways of relating to ourselves in a metaphor of two trails.
Let’s use our imaginations for a moment. We have two different trails: one trail that is clear and has clearly been used before, it is nice, clear, and we have traveled it before. This trail is quick, efficient, and predictable. Then we have the second trail that is new and might have a lot of sticks, trees, roots, or just does not seem commonly traveled. When we think of these two options, which one feels safer or the more preferred? The first one?! Right. Me too. But, what if actually the second trail leads to the most beautiful waterfall, gorgeous views, and is actually a much more rewarding journey? It might just take more effort, time, and experiences. For example, maybe your first trail is self-criticism as a way of relating to yourself. This is a trail that you use to motivate yourself, punish yourself, or protect yourself. It was shown to you growing up and you learned how to travel it long ago. But, maybe you are desiring new ways of being with yourself and want to try the route of self-compassion. Although you know it will be beautiful, it’s scary to go into the unpredictable. The only way to see and experience it, is to go on the journey.
Healing is kinda like learning and taking the second trail. Trying something new, it takes much longer, its painful, unpredictable, and can be scary, even if we know it is worth it. Sometimes in moments of stress or autopilot, our brain and bodies want to take the quickest and most efficient trail (aka our neural pathways!), and with-out thinking, we naturally go down the path we have always gone on. So, it makes sense that it takes practice and multiple trips, to make the second path more desirable and easier to access. The first trail is really all we have known. Change is a slow process and it invites us to take a new and daring way. When you are feeling stuck, remember, you are taking a whole new trail and it is scary and will take time for it to be as clear as the first. Sometimes, we just have to keep going and over-time that second trail will be clearer.
