The Man Box

I first heard about the “Man Box” theory in Dr. Hillary McBride’s book, The Wisdom of Your Body. (Good book, you should check it out). Anyway Dr. McBride cites the man box as research that speaks to men’s mental health. We can think of the man box as a set of social standards that are typical in our societal view of masculinity. These include, but are not limited to, being tough, being self-sufficient, hypersexual behavior, and strict gender roles. As men these are aspects of personality that we are “supposed to portray” but research shows that their impact is negative. Men who are more “in the man box”, who portray more of these socialized behaviors or ways of thinking, are more likely to have mental health concerns than their male counterparts who have freed themselves from typical masculine messages. This includes being at a high risk to attempt suicide, more issues with body image, and problems in relationships with others. To put it simply the further in the man box someone is the more risk they have to have poor mental and emotional outcomes.

As a therapist that loves working with men this research did not surprise me in the slightest. I have done work to help unravel harmful messages about masculinity and I often times find myself working with men who are trying to leave the man box, without even knowing they are stuck in it. Do you struggle with intimate relationships? Do you have a hard time accepting yourself"? Is it hard for you to express emotions, beside anger? Are you feeling trapped trying to work harder than your peers at work? These can be signs of being “stuck in the man box”. When I get to help men make sense of why they may feel this way I feel very fulfilled.

I view therapy as relationship work. We start by working on the relationship between the therapist and the client. This hopefully helps the client begin to trust others and even learn to trust themselves. Another key factor of therapeutic work, in my opinion, is the ability to relate to ones self. I can speak from experience, as a man in the US we are not taught to have a relationship with ourselves. We are taught to shove it down, tough it out, or ignore our self. This sends men into the box and thus creates negative mental and relational outcomes. In order to reconnect with our outside world we must slow down and connect with our inner sense. This looks like being mindful, practicing embodiment, practicing rest, and ultimately reject the man box culture.

Food for thought…

What aspects of the man box do you notice in yourself, your partner, your friends?

Do you think that being stuck in ridgid gender roles is harmful for your mental health?

What may be the next step for you as you attempt to leave the man box?

Therapy?

Talking about this subject with a trusted friend?

Practicing mindfulness?

Finding a way to practice embodiment?