Understanding Sexual Temperament: How the Dual Control Model Can Support Healing and Desire
Sexual desire is complex, deeply personal, and often misunderstood. Many people wonder: “Why don’t I feel desire the way I used to?” or “What’s wrong with me for not being in the mood?” At Embodied Therapy Group in Fort Collins, Colorado, we often hear these concerns from clients navigating trauma, relationship challenges, or cultural and religious shame around sexuality.
The truth is, sexuality isn’t one-size-fits-all. Desire lives in the body, nervous system, and relational context. It’s influenced by past experiences, emotional safety, and how connected you feel in the present moment. That’s why understanding your sexual temperament—and the factors that shape it—can be a powerful step toward clarity, compassion, and healing.
What Is Sexual Temperament?
Sexual temperament refers to your unique pattern of sexual responsiveness, desire, and arousal. It includes physical, psychological, relational, and cultural influences that impact how you experience sexuality.
Some people feel desire spontaneously, others more responsively. Some need emotional connection first, while others are more physically cued. There’s no right or wrong here—only awareness of what’s true for you.
One of the most helpful frameworks for exploring sexual temperament is the Dual Control Model, developed by researchers John Bancroft and Erick Janssen.
The Dual Control Model Explained
The Dual Control Model suggests that sexual response is guided by two systems in the brain and body:
The Accelerator: what turns you on, supports arousal, or invites connection.
The Brake: what turns you off, inhibits arousal, or shuts desire down.
These systems work together, regulating your experience of desire both in and outside of sexual contexts. Recognizing how sensitive your “accelerator” and “brake” are can help you better understand why desire feels easy in some situations and difficult in others.
The Brake: What Inhibits Desire
The brake system includes anything that slows or halts arousal. Brakes are not failures—they’re signals from your body that something needs attention.
Common brakes include:
Stress, overwhelm, or mental fatigue
Disconnection from your partner(s)
Insecurity about body image
Feeling pressured, rushed, or obligated
Physical pain or discomfort
Unresolved conflict
Distracting environments (mess, noise, interruptions)
The lingering effects of trauma, shame, or past wounds
Many clients in trauma therapy discover that their brake system is highly sensitive. This doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body is working hard to keep you safe.
The Accelerator: What Supports Desire
The accelerator system includes anything that increases arousal, pleasure, and connection. These cues help you feel safe enough to stay present in your body.
Common accelerators include:
Emotional intimacy and connection
Small acts of care and thoughtfulness
Sensory cues: music, candles, scents, textures
Physical touch that feels attuned and unhurried
Trust, honesty, and clear communication
Spaciousness and time without pressure
Humor, play, novelty, or exploration
Accelerators are deeply personal. What matters most is noticing what supports your system and sharing that with your partner(s).
Everyone Has a Unique Balance
Your sexual temperament is defined by the unique balance of brakes and accelerators in your system. Some people have sensitive brakes and need high levels of safety and emotional presence. Others have stronger accelerators and feel desire more frequently or spontaneously.
This balance can shift over time depending on:
Stress levels
Life transitions (parenthood, grief, burnout)
Relationship dynamics
Mental health
Past or ongoing trauma
Understanding these patterns helps release shame and invites compassion for how your body responds.
Why This Matters for Healing
Many people assume low desire means something is broken, but often it’s about inhibition. Perhaps your brakes are activated too strongly, or your accelerators aren’t being supported enough.
The Dual Control Model offers a compassionate lens for understanding desire. Instead of trying to “fix” yourself, you can get curious about what your body is communicating. This perspective is especially important for people healing from trauma, purity culture, or non-traditional relationship dynamics where shame or external rules may have silenced their sexual autonomy.
At Embodied Therapy Group, we help clients move from shame to awareness, using mindfulness, somatic therapy, and trauma-informed approaches to reconnect with their bodies and desires.
Reflection Questions
Exploring your sexual temperament can be as simple as asking:
What helps me feel safe and connected before intimacy?
What are my “brakes” that shut down desire?
What are my “accelerators” that support arousal?
How do stress, trauma, or relational dynamics affect my desire?
What does fulfilling foreplay look like for me?
Which sensory experiences (touch, smell, sound) help me feel present?
You don’t need all the answers at once. Even noticing one or two patterns can shift your relationship with desire.
If This Feels Hard
For many people—especially those healing from trauma, religious conditioning, or relational wounds—exploring desire can feel overwhelming. If reflecting on your brakes and accelerators brings up shame or confusion, you’re not alone.
Therapy offers a safe, affirming space to explore these experiences with compassion and care. At Embodied Therapy Group in Fort Collins, we help clients build self-understanding, heal relational disconnection, and reclaim pleasure without shame.
Final Thoughts
Your sexual temperament is not a flaw to fix—it’s your body’s unique language of desire. By understanding how your brakes and accelerators interact, you can:
Release shame and self-blame
Communicate more openly with partners
Create conditions that support safety and connection
Reconnect with your body on your own terms
Call to Action
At Embodied Therapy Group in Fort Collins, Colorado, we specialize in trauma therapy, relationship counseling for traditional and non-traditional partnerships, and LGBTQ+ affirming care. If you’re struggling with low desire, intimacy challenges, or the effects of trauma and religious conditioning on your sexuality, we’re here to help.
✨ Schedule a consultation today to explore your sexual temperament in a safe, supportive, and compassionate environment. Together, we can create a path toward healing, self-connection, and fulfilling intimacy.
